is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $7000 per month.

I do have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

Every time I hear the dirty word ‘exercise’, I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

I joined a health club last year, spent about $400 bucks. Haven’t lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.

My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60. Now he’s 97 years old and we don’t know where he is.

 Every time I start thinking too much
 about how I look, I just find a Happy Hour
 and by the time I leave, I look just fine.

    I like long walks,
     especially when they are taken
     by people who annoy me.